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Campus concert series jazzes up the night

Jazzman’s Cafe, located in the Woodland Commons, has introduced a new weekly Campus Concert Series. New musical acts perform every week, offering a wide range of musical genres and displaying the talents of UMass Dartmouth students.

The performance on Tuesday, February 20, featured Nick Thibault on bass and Kate Heffernan on flute, among other students.

For information on future acts, check out the Torch activities calendar in each week’s paper or visit the CVPA activities calendar online at http://www.umassd.edu/cvpa/events/cvpacalendar.cfm

The Campus Concert Series is held every Tuesday and begins at 7 p.m. All the concerts are free and open to the public. So stop by, grab a coffee, and listen to some great music performed by fellow students!

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MOVIE REVIEW

Eddie Murphy cracks out the ol' fat suit...again!

By Brian Kaminske, Tony Pacitti and Eric Rollins

Eddie Murphy’s latest (and unfortunate) box office topper, “Norbit,” was bad. We mean really bad. Instead of just getting one negative take on it, sit back and listen in on a few of the Torch editors in a round-table discussion on this sad excuse for a movie.

Tony: So, “Norbit”...

Ricky: ...Sucked.

Brian: ...Awesome.

R: Awesome? Why was it awesome?

B: Because it sucked!

T: This was definitely a case where a movie was awful, and we knew it was going to be awful, so we went in. Were there any redeeming qualities?

R: No, because all of the plot points had been done before.

B: There were redeeming qualities, I’d say, probably one and a half genuinely funny jokes in that whole hour and a half long movie.

T: Well in an hour and half long comedy, are one and a half solid jokes enough to qualify it as having redeeming qualities?

R: Well, what was there — fat jokes and black jokes?

B: No, you know what the problem was, there wasn’t enough fat jokes. If the whole thing was one big fat joke, it probably would have been hilarious.

R: Any scene with Rasputia in it was a fat joke.

T: Well, it was a visual fat joke, not a verbal onslaught like “The Nutty Professor” was. It seems like even in re-treading old waters, Eddie Murphy has somehow managed to get more tame, and therefore, more awful. It seems like he can just slap his name on something and just do it.

B: Well, look at how well it sells, so he does still think it’s funny.

R: He was on “Inside the Actors Studio” recently, and after he finished talking about “Dreamgirls,” he added he was working on this new movie, “Norbit,” with his brother, and he seemed really into it, especially about how he was going to bring back his old characters.

T: He didn’t. I forgot it was Eddie Murphy half the time because it was just so watered down; there was nothing “Eddie Murphy” about it. It was like the supermarket brand version of an Eddie Murphy movie.

B: But it still, in fact, was an Eddie Murphy movie.

R: That made $34.1 million dollars.

B: You love your numbers.

T: Yeah, I’d say stick with “The Nutty Professor” if you want to hear Eddie Murphy say fat jokes. If you want to see a good Eddie Murphy movie, I’d say go back to anything pre-1990, although I am curious to see “Dreamgirls”; you know, just to see Eddie Murphy in a real movie.

R: I couldn’t get past “Party All the Time.”

B: No, no one will.

R: He’s going be singing some lyrics to some song they wrote and all I’ll hear is...

B: “My girl likes to party all the time...”

R: “...Party all the time, party all the tiiiiiiime.”

B: So you’ve already written off “Dreamgirls”?

R: No, I just won’t be able to enjoy it because I’ll just be hearing “Party All the Time.”

T: Well...I think that makes you an idiot.

B: Yeah, I agree.

R: What did you think of the brothers being basically local construction mafia chieftains?

T: I don’t know, it seems like he came up with wacky characters to get that plot point to where it needed to be, except the characters weren’t that wacky.

R: When it comes to the little love interest that comes back to his life that rekindles his fire...

B: That came out of left field; I had no idea she was coming back. That was really the one good twist...and then they got together in the end. I thought he was going to stay with Rasputia; they really had a pretty strong bond.

R: You’re right; so Eddie Murphy is now challenging his audience.

T: He’s thinking outside the box — I mean nothing says thinking outside the box like a talking dog.

B: Right, in an Eddie Murphy movie, in a wheelchair... I thought that dog was cute at first, until it started talking.

R: Didn’t Rasputia run him over?

T and B: Yeah.

B: Didn’t kill him though — got to keep that rating at PG-13.

R: Getting back to the love interest character, I think Eddie Murphy should have played that role, too.

T: Who, the girlfriend?

R: Yeah, why not?

B: Who, Skeletor?

R: The Jada Pinkett-Smith replacement — the absolutely clueless “Oh my god, all this treachery going on around me, but I’m so perfect and sweet that I don’t even understand or acknowledge it.”

T: Oh yeah, speaking of that character, what the hell was Cuba Gooding Jr. doing in that movie?

B: Good question.

T: He won his Oscar way the hell too early, and he was like, “Well, can’t get any higher than this as far as my acting career goes, so... ‘Snow Dogs’ and ‘Norbit.’”

R: ...and “Boat Trip.” Okay, so overall... We went to see “Norbit.” We knew it was going to be bad, but we wanted to laugh at it, not with it.

T: Yeah, I think for that it was good.

R: But is that what we should be spending our money on?

T: No...once in a while it’s fine, but sometimes you can’t help but feel guilty that crap like “Norbit” gets number one at the box office, and we were there opening day or the day after.

B: But what else is out?

T: Nothing.

R: Okay, since we went to “Norbit,” and we knew it was going to be a bad time, I have to question my own movie-watching ethics. Watching it, I felt it was one of those good times where everyone knows there was this novelty act up on the screen. “Snakes on a Plane” was very much like that. You enjoyed it because everyone else who was there thought it was ridiculous, too. So in that respect, I had a good time. But the movie — absolutely terrible. And I give movies the benefit of the doubt, but this movie was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. The jokes weren’t funny. It was as stale as stale gets —unnecessary characters, unnecessary plot points.

B: The whole movie was unnecessary.

R: The love interest character, the whole “I’m such an angel, I don’t even notice that everyone around me is corrupt” character has been done so many times.

B: “Including my own boyfriend.”

R: Yeah, especially Cuba Gooding Jr. with a mustache — that can’t be suspicious!

T: You mentioned “Snakes on a Plane,” and everyone going, expecting it to be ridiculous. I think it’s two different things. I mean, “Snakes on a Plane” was harkening back the B-movie schlock, whereas “Norbit” was just a train wreck, and we knew it. No one can not look at a great train wreck. For something like what “Snakes on a Plane” was banking on, that campy absurd atmosphere, this was just a complete misguided attempt at Eddie Murphy going back on his “movies.” We saw the break in the rails, we just wanted to be there when it crashed.

B: And we were.

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RECOMMENDING RHONDA

Rhonda says: Shop at this store!

By Recommending Rhonda

Is your dorm-room feeling a little blah?

If you’re tired of the highlighter stained bedspread, flat pillow, boring wall decorations and blah electronics you have hanging around your dorm/apartment/house, I recommend a trip to IKEA. You could easily spend a day losing yourself in the enormous warehouse that is IKEA.

What exactly am I talking about?

Swedish-made furniture, linens, house supplies, decorations, kitchenware superstore IKEA prides itself on the idea of “affordable solutions for better living.”

Everything in IKEA is inexpensive and unique to that company. Swedish designers have created furniture and textiles and household items specifically for this store, and the wares they display are both dazzling and affordable, as their slogan promises.

There are currently only 24 IKEAs in the United States, and we at UMD are lucky to have one located only a hop, skip and jump away in Stoughton, which is about 20 minutes north of Taunton. The store operates from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Monday through Saturday, and from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sundays. Based on the size of the store, you could easily spend from open to close wandering through the giant warehouse.

When you first walk into IKEA, you are transported by escalator onto the showroom floor. IKEA conveniently provides you with a map of the store, which may come in handy. The setup of the showroom can be confusing at times, though there are arrows lining the floor to point you from showroom to showroom.

You begin in the living room section, which brings you through fully decorated (and gorgeous) living room set-ups, which may give you ideas on how to add flair to your own home. From there, you go to media storage/wall units and dining furniture, then on to kitchen showrooms, bedroom and bathrooms and, finally, to the children’s section.

After viewing all of the gorgeous showrooms, a different escalator will transport you down to the market place, which is where you may grab a shopping cart and fill it to the brim with inexpensive items named “Skanka,” “Bruta” or “Ordning.”

The names are a little strange, but the products and prices are not.

You can preview all of the items the Stoughton store carries on www.ikea.com. Just this summer, I found a desk I wanted, which was conveniently located under “Computer Workstations” on the website. I ended up getting a gorgeous desk for only $65!

Now, something that may scare patrons away is the fact that you have to assemble all of the large furniture you buy. However, all of the tools are included in the package, which is, for your convenience, flat. The only way that IKEA could possibly sell a huge desk in a flat box is if they had the patron assemble it themselves.

At first, I was bit wary of the idea of having to put together a desk. A functional one, at that. After all, I’m no carpenter, and I certainly have no skill with a hammer or screwdriver.

However, I actually found the task to be quite fun. My sister and I rolled up our sleeves and attempted to interpret the drawing-instructions for the desk. Although it took nearly an hour to fully assemble, we did it. And it was fun. And I feel so proud every time I sit down at that desk, knowing that I (kind of) made it myself.

If you came to my apartment, you would see that it could very well be a showroom for IKEA. This is no accident. I swear by those Swedes and their gorgeous, simple, inexpensive designs.

For just $300 I got a “Mysinge” chaise lounge, which has a built in swiveling table and also has a reclining arm to turn the couch into a bed. It is quite comfortable and not very difficult to assemble. The best thing about it is that with just a change of a slipcover (they cost about $20), you can instantly change the color of the chaise lounge. When it gets dirty, just toss the slipcover in the washing machine. It’s a fantastic college-student piece of furniture, if ever there was one.

I highly recommend that you check out www.ikea.com. You can take a virtual tour of the Stoughton store, look at their showrooms via the Internet, look at all of the furniture and housewares they have and determine just how much money you’re going to end up shelling out there (and add $300 to that total, because you’ll surely find more things that you want while you’re there).

Also, before you exit the building, make sure to treat yourself to a cinnamon bun. They are $4 for a six-pack and quite delectable, if I do say so myself.

To get to IKEA from campus, take 195 West to 24 North. Get off at Exit 19B (Central Street). Take a right at the first set of lights you come to. You will pass by a Christmas Tree Shop and a Costco. IKEA has its own street, and you can reach it by going through a small roundabout. You will not be able to miss the looming yellow and blue tower that is IKEA. And you will definitely leave there wanting more.

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SCREW THE ACADEMY

'Rising' has its ups and downs

By Bronson Michaud

“Hannibal Rising” (2007)
Rated R for strong grisly
violent content and some
language/sexual references
Runtime: 117 minutes

The Hannibal Lecter movies have gotten exponentially worse over the years, with the original “Silence of the Lambs” being the best. So naturally, I was prepared for a flop with this new installment, “Hannibal Rising.” This is one of the rare occasions where I was very glad to be wrong.

From start to finish, “Rising” is a grotesque, but oddly intellectual, thriller that kept me on the edge of my seat ‘til the credits rolled. However, behind the gore that we have all come to know and love in these movies, this film in particular has themes of deep, emotional suffering that almost make you pity the characters.

French actor Gaspard Ulliel, in his American motion picture debut, portrays an adolescent version of the infamous Dr. Hannibal Lecter. All I can say for this young actor is expect to see more of him in the future. His Lecter portrayal was so deliciously creepy it made me completely forget what the original Hannibal (Sir Anthony Hopkins) even looked like.

Let’s not forget the leading lady and young Hannibal’s love interest, Lady Murasaki Shikibu, played by the beautiful Li Gong. She did an excellent job playing a very complex character, who is torn between her love for Hannibal and her disdain for his murderous impulses.

Sadly, a perfect movie has yet to be made, and this one is no exception. The accents of the lead actors were very hard to understand, and the dialogue seemed rushed at some points. Also, the movie took place primarily in Lithuania and France, yet the minor roles and even the extras all spoke perfect English.

I could have overlooked these minor flaws if I wasn’t in the mindset throughout the entire movie that I would have been happier with the saga had I not known Hannibal’s true origins. Plus, there was an odd theme having to do with the Japanese samurai playing a role in Hannibal’s bloodlust that I didn’t think was necessary.

All in all, this wasn’t a terrible movie and is definitely worth a watch if you happen to be a fan of the series, but stay away if you’re not familiar with the “Silence of the Lambs” phenomena.

This movie did make up for “Red Dragon,” and I bet that we see more of Gaspard Ulliel in the American film scene in the future. However, if you really want to get a good feel of how Hannibal started down his cannibalistic path, read the book.

Overall, I give this movie a 3.5 out of 5.

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MUSIC REVIEW

Falling for Fall Out Boy

By Shara Samelli

“Infinity on High”
Fall Out Boy
Island Records, 2007

Rising from the ashes of local hardcore bands that had burnt to the ground came Pete Wentz, Joe Trohman, Patrick Stump and Andy Hurley. The four came together forming one of the most popular bands of our generation, who show how making your dreams reality is possible. They are Fall Out Boy.

This Chicago band started at the bottom, but worked hard throughout the fun, which helped them rise to the top, not to mention their distinct skills that add to the main reasons why they stand apart from others.

First signing with independent label Fueled by Ramen, the band released three albums, with their third offering, “Take This to Your Grave,” being very successful. But in order to go mainstream, as it is called, Fall Out Boy signed with Island Records, a well respected record label. They then released their forth album, “From Under the Cork Tree.”

Not even an entire year later, the band has just released their fifth album. “Infinity on High,” in stores as of February 6, is complete with fourteen tracks, including the new hit song “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race.”

The band thankfully kept their dark sense of humor along with the emotional lyrics. Fans unquestionably fall for those seemingly cruel lines that everyone’s felt at one point or another, but never actually said.

Fall Out Boy’s pop sounds and punk sounds still collide, but they remain apart from the musical genre of pop-punk. The band wrote this album with hopes of reconnecting with their large group of previous fans, while reaching out to new listeners. Well, how did they do?

The first song of “Infinity on High” begins strong with the proud voice of musical artist Jay-Z, thanking dedicated fans right after telling the critics who said Fall Out Boy’s next album would be a flop that it most certainly is not. Jay-Z’s voice ends track one, which allows the next song to flow smoothly with the CD.

“The Take Over, The Break’s Over,” the second track, opens with catchy drum beats and guitar strums. This is definitely an album where the music will get stuck in fans’ heads.

Fall Out Boy’s vocals continue to mature as well as the music as they deliver powerful lyrics and beats. People do tend to praise those strangely comedic yet callous lines.

Track seven “Thnks fr th Mmrs,” is one of the many songs that have unique titles and even more unique lyrics. This specific track addresses a situation that many people can relate to whether they will admit to it or not: one night stands. Fall Out Boy’s song about one night stands seem to lean towards a one-time deal with a past lover when they sing “one night and one more time; thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great.”

It’s almost as if the lyrics, music style and vocal tones contradict themselves so well that all three coincide poignantly together. The crude but truthful lyrics, sung with Patrick Stump’s punk rock voice, makes “Infinity on High” grippingly addictive.

Speaking of “Thnks fr th Mmrs,” again, Fall Out Boy also makes clever allusions to the film industries. In one album, they alluded to the famous line from “Dirty Dancing”: “Nobody puts baby in the corner.” For this CD, Fall Out Boy alludes to a tense line from the movie “Closer.” They skillfully utilize the line said by Julia Roberts as she raises her voice at Clive Owen saying, “He tastes like you, only sweeter.” Another twisted line sung best by Fall Out Boy.

The band is touring right now, but they are traveling outside of this country for now and will not be heading back this way until the end of May. On May 31, Fall Out Boy will rock Tweeter Center’s stage in Boston. You better get your tickets as soon as possible if you are interested in seeing them jam out to “Infinity High” along with songs from all of their previous albums because the tickets are selling out quickly!

Pick up “Infinity on High” if you haven’t already, or download it on Ruckus, which I’m sure most people will choose to do. Undeniably, the band has come a long way since their first album released in March of 2003.